Sunday, August 21, 2011 10:52 a.m.
I remember when I was younger I always said to myself "I can’t wait to be older. I’ll be so important." When you’re five, being 15 seems a world away. Or ten years away at least. But here I am today, 15 years old, the day before my freshman year of high school, and I still don’t feel any more important than five year old me. I guess part of what I said still rings true today, but I don’t think the real meaning still hangs in the air. I STILL can’t wait to be older; freedom rings in my ear when I think of it. I can’t wait to just get away, escape the world I’ve grown up in. Start anew. Be my own person. But I think five year old me didn’t quite realize what life was going to throw at me. I just wanted to be OLDER; it didn’t matter how old. Being ten, fifteen, thirty, or anything else sounds pretty good to a five year old vying for the chance to be someone. I still don’t think I’ve reached that potential, risen to the stars I was born to reach in the night sky. We’re all searching for an answer in the sky, the answer to our problems, our prayers, our destiny. Or at least, that’s what I think.
I haven’t even introduced myself, silly me. And me is the one, the only, Arielle Primas. Well technically I’m not the only... I once looked up Arielle Primas on Google and there’s some creepy 50-something woman covered in piercings and tattoos. And that was most definitely NOT a picture of me. And yes, I’m named Arielle, like the Little Mermaid. Actually the Little Mermaid is named Ariel, but it’s the same diff. Just an "le" added to the end, and yet, I still manage to be humiliated every time I say my name. I guess it’s partly because I live in Emerald Isle, North Carolina, which is right on the beach. It’s not that I don’t like the name Arielle... it’s just I wish the Little Mermaid were named something else. Like Crystal. That sounds nice... right?
Emerald Isle is a small town, less than 5,000 people living here, but during the summer it's super busy here. I suppose that's because we're a pretty popular travel destination here on the Crystal Coast. Over 50,000 people flock from miles to experience what we have to offer here, but sometimes I wonder what they expect. There's nothing really special here. If I lived in California and my parents threw me in the back of a trailer and said "We're taking a road trip to Emerald Isle, North Carolina!" and forced me into spending the majority of my summer weeks driving in an old, junky trailer, I guess I'd be a little pissed too.
Like that one girl from San Francisco, I think her name was Caroline. During the whole week her family was here, I think she pretty much only thrived in her rented condo. In the mornings though, she would walk outside and just sit in the warm sand near the ocean letting the tide creep up on her feet. After seeing her there for about five mornings straight, I eventually worked up the nerve to go and talk to her. Boy, was that a mistake. I'm not really sure what I was thinking though; a California girl would never wanna talk to a girl like me. Her with her designer tops and shorts; me with just an old T-shirt and worn capris on. You'd think she thought I was an alien from outer space the way she looked at me. I guess an alien was better than nothing though, cause she started rambling on to me about California and how she was missing the hottest party of the year thrown by "Dylan, the hottest guy to ever touch the west coast". I've never been to a party, and I probably never will. Unless you count my cousin's birthday celebration as a party, and that happened when I was five. Caught up in my own thoughts, I wasn't really paying attention to her until she shouted "ARE YOU EVEN FREAKIN' LISTENING TO ME?!?!?!" I don't think she liked it when I briskly replied "I am now, Miss Cali queen." She stomped her way up the beach to her condo and I could hear the screen door slam even all the way down at the water's edge. I never did see Caroline again in the morning, or anytime at all during the day for that matter... I sure am good at talking to people, aren't I?
Back to what I was saying earlier, it's not that I don't love Emerald Isle, because I truly do. It's just... not where I belong. I don't really know why I feel this way. But one thing is for sure. When I grow up I most definitely do not want to stay in Emerald Isle. I want to live somewhere big, exciting. Like Boston. Boston seems like the perfect place to live, with it's history from the Revolutionary War, mixed with all the newfangled things people have to offer the growing world. Emerald Isle is wayyy to small; I know I could never stand to actually live here forever. And I absolutely HATE all the tourists during the summer, driving me insane. Although, if I lived in Boston I guess I'd have to deal with tourists too... minor technicality.I've been rambling on about nothing for a while now, haven't I? Of course you wouldn't care; you are my diary after all. Why do I even have a diary? Well, tomorrow's my first day of high school, and even though I'm trying my best to hide it from everyone, I'm FREAKING OUT! So I need this diary to calm my frazzled nerves. I can't tell anyone most of what I'm going to write here. My true feelings, emotions, and innermost thoughts will be revealed here, and I can't risk anyone knowing them. That could put me on an even worse downhill spiral than where I am now. And I'm at a low. Lower than the Titanic.
I think I'll go down to the beach and watch the waves roll in. Maybe I'll call Eden and Lacey and see if they wanna come. I've been wanted them to teach me how to wakeboard for a while now, but the waves haven't been very good lately. Of course, the waves are never very good to me...
Until next time...
Sunday, August 21, 2011 7:37 p.m.
I couldn't eat dinner. I'm just so nervous about tomorrow. I just know something's going to go wrong.
Sunday, August 21, 2011 11:01 p.m.
Trying to fall asleep doesn't work very well when every time you close your eyes, you see your entire class outside the school waiting for you to arrive, taunting you with their screams. It's gonna be a long night.
Sunday, August 21, 2011 11:59 p.m.
One minute to midnight and I still haven't got even a wink of sleep...
Monday, August 22, 2011 12:01 a.m.
Oh look. It's midnight... yippie.
Monday, August 22, 2011 4:36 a.m.
I guess I feel asleep, unless wolves really were chasing me into a tsunami coming up behind our school. (Are there even tsunamis in North Carolina?! Cause I've sure never seen one.)
Monday, August 22, 2011 6:00 a.m.
I've given up trying to get sleep, much to the delight of my pig alarm clock I got back in 4th grade. I wish it were tomorrow already, then today would be over.
Monday, August 22, 2011 7:00 a.m.
Ready. Only theoretically of course.
Monday, August 22, 2011 7:15 a.m.
We're almost at Emerald Isle High. I've decided not to write in this diary until after I get home. You know, so I don't throw up on it. Because I'll bet you there's a 100% chance I'll throw up. You can just kill me now. It'll be less painful than what I'm about to endure.
Monday, August 22, 2011 7:20 a.m.
SAVE.ME.NOW.
